Why Dogs Are Better Than Women

Thanks to Brian Tompkins

• Dogs don't cry
• Dogs love it when your friends come over
• Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo
• Dogs appreciate your singing
• Dogs are excited by rough play
• A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink
• Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late
• The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
• Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs
• Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name
• Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away
• Dogs think breaking wind is funny
• Dogs love red meat
• Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair
• Anyone can get a good-looking dog
• If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it
• Dogs don't shop
• Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor
• A dog's disposition stays the same all month long
• Dogs never need to examine the relationship
• A dog's parents never visit
• Dogs love long car trips
• Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions
• Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted
• When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly you can shoot it
• Dogs like beer
• Dogs don't hate their bodies
• No dog ever put on lOOlb after reaching adulthood
• Dogs don't borrow your shirts
• Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across
• Dogs never expect gifts
• It is legal to keep a dog chained up at your house
• Dogs can't talk
• Dogs aren't catty
• You never have to wait for a dog. It's ready to go twenty-four hours a day
• Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, your desk and the back of your sock drawer
• Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger than a lobster dinner
• Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had
• Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives
• Dogs never criticise
• Dogs never want foot rubs
• Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public
• Dogs have no use for flowers, cards or jewellery
• Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk
• Dogs don't worry about germs
• Dogs seldom outlive you

In a few cases, it has to be admitted, there is not much to choose between dogs and women. For example:

• Both look stupid in hats
• Both can eat 51b of chocolate at one sitting
• Both tend to have hip problems
• Neither understands football
• Both look good in a fur coat
• Both are good at pretending that they are listening to every word you say
• Neither believes that silence is golden
• Both constantly want back rubs
• Neither can balance a cheque book
• You can never tell what either of them is thinking
• Both put too much value on kissing

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