Top Ten Reason's For Being...

Thanks to Brian Tompkins

[French][American][English][Italian][Spanish][German]
[Indian][Welsh][Irish][Canadian][Australian][Scottish]

...French

  1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
  2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time
  3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs
  4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
  5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4
  6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries
  7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
  8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride
  9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just crap in the street
  10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not

...American

  1. You can have a woman president without electing her
  2. You can spell colour wrongly and get away with it
  3. You can call Budweiser beer
  4. You can be a crook and still be president
  5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
  6. If you can breathe you can get a gun
  7. You can invent a new public holiday every year
  8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody cares
  9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
  10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth
  11. When you're not
  12. At all

...English

  1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
  2. Warm beer
  3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
  4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
  5. Union jack underpants
  6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
  7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power
  8. Bathing once a week, whether you need to or not
  9. Ditto changing underwear
  10. Beats being Welsh

...Italian

  1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
  2. Unembarrassed to wear fur
  3. No need to worry about tax returns
  4. Glorious military history...well, till about 400a.d.
  5. Can wear sunglasses inside
  6. Political stability
  7. Flexible working hours
  8. Live near the Pope
  9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
  10. Country run by Sicilian murderers

...Spanish

  1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes
  2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
  3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc
  4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
  5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
  6. Honesty
  7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
  8. You get to eat bulls' testicles
  9. Plot retaking Gibraltar
  10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War

...German

  1.  
  2.  
  3.  
  4.  
  5.  
  6.  
  7.  
  8.  
  9.  
  10. In-built sense of pacificism?

...Indian

  1. Chicken Madras
  2. Lamb Passanda
  3. Onion Bhaji
  4. Bombay Potatoes
  5. Chicken Tikka Masala
  6. Rogan Josh
  7. Popadoms
  8. Chicken Dopiaza
  9. Meat Boona
  10. Kingfisher lager

...Welsh

  1. You've
  2. got
  3. to
  4. be
  5. having
  6. a
  7. laugh,
  8. haven't
  9. you
  10. ?!?!?!?

...Irish

  1. Guinness
  2. The pubs in Dublin (the Palace, Dohenny & Nesbitt's, Toners, The Long Hall)
  3. You can get away with taking absolute garbage to gullible foreigners
  4. Dingle, Kinsale, Ballyvaughan.
  5. Sex....catch up trade...but the Irish are mad for it now.
  6. No one can ever remember the night before
  7. It is completely socially unacceptable to go anywhere without being absolutely comatose drunk
  8. U2, Van the Man, Beckett, Joyce, Behan, & Yeats (and speaking better English than the Sassenachs)
  9. Beating England is more fun if you're Irish
  10. Everybody loves the Irish

...Canadian

  1. It beats being an American
  2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
  3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
  4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
  5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
  6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise
  7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
  8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge f***off shotguns and cover your house in their skins
  9. Own-an-eskimo scheme
  10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

...Australian

  1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering b*****d that no civilised nation on earth wanted
  2. Fosters Lager
  3. Dispossess Abos who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you
  4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket
  5. Tact and sensitivity
  6. Bondai Beach
  7. Other beaches
  8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals
  9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
  10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach

...Scottish

  1. You get to wear skirts and no knickers (definite ease of access)
  2. See reason 1
  3. Won the Grand Slam in 1990 by drubbing the English
  4. Get to really look forward to winning the Grand slam again some time in the next millenium
  5. Beats the crap out of being English
  6. Get to live in God's country, miserable weather and all
  7. Bannockburn
  8. People always want them behind you in bar fights
  9. Alchololism is considered socially acceptable
  10. A natural acceptance of sporting disappointment

Back to Contents