Signs Seen Around The World

Thanks to Mike Smith (mjs@iii.co.uk)

This is a selection of signs and notices written in English that have been discovered around the world. We are hoping that you be enjoying presently.

In a Tokyo hotel	It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby	The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig lift	Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel lift	To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is the going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel lift	Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens	Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel	The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel	You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery	You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel, catering for skiers	Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant	Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel	Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dunplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop	Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's	Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop	Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop	Order you summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from a Soviet weekly	There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest	It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel	Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for that purpose.
In an advertisement for a Hong Kong dentist	Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome Laundry	Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency	Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
An advertisment for donkey rides in Thailand	Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn	Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple	It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar	Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office	We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room	If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge	Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo	Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Rome doctor	Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel	The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Swiss mountain inn	Special today - no ice cream.
At a Tokyo car rental firm	When passer of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

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